The Four Horsemen Quiz
Based on Gottman's research: discover which destructive communication pattern you default to under stress — and learn the specific antidote for each.
The Late Arrival
Your partner was supposed to be home for dinner at 7pm. It's 8:30pm. They just walked in.
The Four Horsemen & their antidotes
Criticism
Attacking character instead of addressing behavior.
Antidote: Gentle Start-Up — lead with 'I feel...' not 'You always...'
Contempt
Mockery, sarcasm, and superiority. The #1 predictor of divorce.
Antidote: Culture of Appreciation — daily specific gratitude
Defensiveness
Counter-attacking or playing victim instead of listening.
Antidote: Taking Responsibility — even 10% ownership changes everything
Stonewalling
Shutting down and withdrawing when overwhelmed.
Antidote: Self-Soothing — take a 20-minute break, then return
Based on 40+ years of research by Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman at The Gottman Institute.
Frequently asked questions
What are the Four Horsemen of relationships?+
Communication patterns identified by Dr. Gottman: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Each has a specific antidote.
Which horseman is the worst?+
Contempt — the single greatest predictor of divorce. It attacks who a person is from a position of moral superiority.
What are the antidotes?+
Criticism → Gentle Start-Up. Contempt → Culture of Appreciation. Defensiveness → Taking Responsibility. Stonewalling → Self-Soothing (20-minute break).
Can the Four Horsemen be reversed?+
Yes. Couples who learn the antidotes show significant improvement. Contempt is the most responsive to long-term intervention.
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